• Painful thoughts

    Here I am, beside my wife, at a hospice, knowing, she will die soon.

    What does it mean, soon?

    Today, tomorrow, a few days?

    She is a tough girl. Always was.

    Looking at all the medical results, she is healthy.

    Heart, kidneys, lungs, blood pressure, temperature, all fine. Just this tumour.

    A tumour caused by a trauma or two, long time ago. In her childhood.

    Using up a big amount of adrenalin.

    That’s what researchers say, no adrenalin anymore opens the door for cancerous cells.

    Here I am, beside my wife, at a hospice.

    She’s not fighting for her life anymore, unconsously, just to find the way out of this world. Hoping for a better world as prommissed.

    She will be disappointed.

    And myself, I could not imagine how severe mental pain could be.

    All those questions starting with “why” will never been answered. Such a warmhearted woman, such a fantastic teacher, beloved by everybody because of her friendly personality.

    Will I bare that guy with the white rectangle at the collar? I can’t stand this clergy sermon with guide and protect and safe us. She never got any of these services. I can scream, listening to vergive us our sins. This woman never made any sin. She protected other people, guided me and safed friends and family. To hell with all those figures floating in heaven.

    When she left the room I always got nervous. Even I knew she is not far away. Saying goodbye in the morning, leaving for work or for shopping, I always was concerned to see her coming back in the evening. Hours without my soulmate were lonely hours. Now she left the room forever.

    My body and mind are numb. 

  • Scary dream

    With open eyes I´m stuck

    in a forest dipped in fog

    Two boars in sight

    ready for a fight

    Moving back

    step by step

    get out of here

    growing fear

    I stumble because of too many roots

    live gave me a push with it´s boots

    I feel I am swinging

    in all direction spinning

    around me just water

    lost on the ocean at 12 o clock quarter

    drifting to an unwanted place

    surprised by the galloping pace

    the boat just a nutshell

    like a free gift from hell

    at the oars

    these two wild boars

    time to scream

    o what a dream.

  • Christmas 2025 reflection

    And there is John Lennon on the radio, singing:

    “So this is Christmas.
    And what have you done?
    Another year over
    and a new one just begun.
    And so this is Christmas.
    I hope you have fun,
    the near and the dear ones,
    the old and the young.
    A very merry Christmas
    and a happy new year.
    Let’s hope it’s a good one
    without any fear.”

    Sounds like a birthday party. Another year over and a new one just begun. Just this word about Christmas is disturbing me. Otherwise we could sing this song at any birthday party. To replace “Christmas” with “your day now” would work out well.

    For sure, I´m not the only one who would like to replace “Christmas” with some reality. How many people have ended their formal membership with their religious club? Being Catholic or Protestant or whatever form of Christianity it might be. Are they non-believers now? No more Christmas?

    This Christmas Day and those four weeks leading up to Christmas is so hectic, reports on television want you to know. There is no space and no time for sentimentality. What Christmas spirit? Gifts have to be bigger and bigger. Nobody is able to stop this and the majority doesn´t want to stop this. Greed and convenience are still spreading like a siege all over the world. Convenience is so convenient. And greed is a helper to become rich and important. Nobody wants to see, that greed doesn´t give you inner peace and health, greed doesn´t give your soul real long term happiness. Greed only brings some short term material success. Nothing useful on your last days on earth and on your last journey. The best ever gift you won´t carry in your hands.

    Does anybody think of the nature of Christmas? Yes, it´s about a birthday. A birthday we celebrate for more than 2000 years now. The birthday of Jesus. No family name mentioned. No pedigree left. I might remember my grandfathers birthday but we don´t celebrate that day any more. Must be an important guy, this Jesus. Year by year a birthday party. Impressive. In some parts of the world Christmas is a happy beach party, in other parts more contemplative. Contemplative for the first hour of that family come-together. Until old wounds on fragile souls cause new injuries. Ten people at a table represent ten different lives with ten various opinions and ten ways of living and ten contrasting experiences and, ok, stop.

    By the way, Jesus is not born on Christmas day. After he was born that day became Christmas day. I can´t stand that false US-American sing sang.

    We all have in common the years calendar and our longing for some holidays. But why is this Jesus born in December? June or July would be much more convenient. Not too cold at the northern hemisphere, not too hot at the southern part of the globe. That´s bad timing. Those ancient reporters should have considered this beforehand and change the facts a bit. That would be an advantage for society. Didn´t we learn this from successful politicians and big boss managers. That little unimportant re-date would save us from all these songs about white Christmas and reindeers pulling sleighs. There is no snow any more. If politicians and industry want to manipulate our time zones in modern times, would they be so kind and swoop Christmas into summer. Once, it was 12 o´ clock noon when the sun was at the highest point. Now they call it summer time and push forward an hour. So easy. So stupid. So ignorant to nature.

    But it would push that Christmas hectic into summer. Do we want that? Hectic, I´m talking about. Buying gifts, bringing home a presentable Christmas tree, chocolate cookies melting in the sun, you know what I´m talking about.

    This babble about Christmas time and peace drives me up the wall. Peace on earth is just an illusion. Well, for the next 300 years for sure. Any war around Christmas time might stop for a few hours. Soldiers might shake hands on the battlefield. The following day they have to kill each other by order. Both sides pray to God and ask for support. The clergy on both sides is biased and loyal to their government, not to God. How scary is that. Does God finally elect the winner?

    The death of Jesus and his resurrection is an essential part of Christian belief. What about peace on earth then? What about happy Easter songs on the radio? Rock, Pop, Jazz, is there any Easter related hit climbing the charts? No Black Week? No consumer frenzy? No complaints from retailers about bad business? Those three wise men bringing gifts put an awful twist to Christmas. Granted, they didn´t expect such a horrible ending for Jesus.

    So what is Christmas all about? What does it mean to you?

  • Above the roundabout

    I’m sitting on the balcony, observing life at the roundabout in front of the hotel. Just below is a roundabout where five streets meet. Traffic out of five directions merge and spread again to five different destinations. An ongoing flow of uncountable cars and trucks and motorbikes. One lonely bicycle is the only participant without any noise. Four zebra crossings channel foot passengers.
    Speed or no speed, obviously a question of character. Or could it be a question of the car model? A BMW car is automatically faster than a Fiat, so it seems. All of these cars have a driver at the steering wheel. So, back to the question of character, I remind myself. The speed inside this roundabout is the first thing I notice. I imagine a spinning top going anti-clock wise.

    Footies disturb the flow of traffic. Footies at the zebra crossing might cause accidents. Footies demand the cars to stop. Breaks are being pushed noisily from old cars, new cars give no noise. From new cars drivers emit a virtual noise. A kind of huffing and puffing, not happy about this unplanned stop. I can hear them and, even more, see their body language. Have these drivers never been footies themselves? They never leave the car and walk on their own two feet to cross a street safely is my thought about such impatient drivers. Respect the rules, Sir, I’m tempted to shout at them.

    Oh no. A dog. Quite a big dog appears on the scene. Could be a Labrador. On the left of the roundabout, at 10 o’clock from my view. The dog wants to enter the circle of traffic, please not, that’s dangerous. Doggy, don’t! A car slows down, the dog runs back, out of the circle, new attempt. A car stops. Between the two traffic lanes the dog runs out of sight for a moment, my sight is
    covered by a white van, where is the dog? It appears behind the van on the inner lane, not injured, so it seems. A jump and the dog is in the heart of the roundabout. On some green grass with flowers and plastic waste. An animal in spoiled nature. But the scene is not rested. That doggy seriously wants to cross the lanes again. Looks like it is aiming for 3 o’clock. Looking left and right, like a human, the dog is checking the flow of traffic. Another risk will be taken. Dog versus cars. No, have to correct myself, dog versus humans. It’s not part of the bigger human plan, that animals disturb our flow of life. Get out of the way, literally. Dog is ready to enter the two lanes. Traffic on the inner lane is slow. A
    chance, a stop for a second, another jump, a car coming, noisy breaks, dog and driver look into each others eyes, I guess. Next car driver doesn’t realize the situation. Emergency stop, no bang. No third car involved. Thank God. The dog is out of the roundabout and suddenly out of sight.

    That was some excitement. Was my blood pressure as high as the dog’s? At last, it was a cool action by the dog. Does the dog cross this roundabout every day? Is there a clash of animal and humans on a daily base? Is the flow of traffic interrupted every day by animals? A thought, that would lead to a philosophical and into general contemplation. I better stop that. That’s not in vogue. Sadly, nature still has no value.

    Never a dull moment. A truck with two men, standing or hanging left and right on the back, wearing orange outfits. Waste collection. Law and order pops up in my head. People are not allowed to stand or hold themselves on the back of a truck. Maybe they are in India. But not here and not in this roundabout, not in
    my roundabout, I reflect. Driving into this circle of lanes gives the truck and workers a kind of centrifugal force. Where is the police car to stop that behavior? That’s dangerous.

    But stop yourself, yes, talking to myself. Don’t create your own rules. Don’t behave like so many other people making their own rules. Surely the authorities gave permission to such concerted action. If not a formal permission, it is accepted because of best practice. Have trust in the authorities. And trust these men, they know what they are doing. Collecting our waste with all the dirt and the bad smell and the circumstances that come along with it. Thank you, I shout out loud, turning my first opinion into the
    opposite.

    The flow of cars and trucks and motorbikes continues. A noisy circle still. A coming and going, interrupted at the zebra for seconds. In here, out there, the odd car making a full circle and driving back the way it came. Making a full circle, I have to think about that car. What does it mean? To correct something? A mistake? Or having another try? To change direction? Not
    knowing where to go? Insecurity? There is so much in this thought, I realize.

    Am I getting philosophical again? A full circle is something symbolic. In many ways. The Celtic Cross contains a circle, King Arthur and his men sat at a circular table. No edge, no obstacle. Like here at the roundabout. Driving a circle, smooth. A second round I observe with that blue car. Still not sure where to go? Or is this a fun drive now, like on a carousel? This blue car is going faster now, tires screeching, then it’s a fun ride. And it is. Four people in the car, all screaming. But it doesn’t sound like fun nor fear. A mix of it. Just the driver might enjoy this. But off they go after round number four. Seconds later it’s all history, but lingers in my thoughts for a while. What was that good for? A show off, surely. That wasn’t a driving test. Looks like one creature had fun and all the others had to suffer. As we all know from ordinary life. All it needs is one bad guy to cause trouble. Thousands of people being checked at the airport while just a handful of nasty people want to cause harm. Just one example of many.

    Then, I can hear it, getting louder and louder, that must be a motorbike. Can’t see it yet, but I can hear the typical sound of a roaring engine, driven by a macho man. No woman would drive in such an insane way. And here it is with a clear message. Get out of my way, scoot. Outer lane, inner lane, changing lanes like queue jumpers. That bike rider uses both lanes of the roundabout,
    overtaking and bothering a few cars for a 3⁄4 circle. The roaring motor translates the angry mood of the driver. Motorbike is too fast to memorize the license. No face to be seen anyway. An unpleasant unsocial behavior. The roaring sound stills lingers in the air, covered slowly by the usual traffic noise.

    All fine at the roundabout. Business as usual. Traffic coming in, getting out.
    I’m sitting on the hotel’s balcony, observing circles of life.

  • Coffee to go

    Dear reader, what would you like to read? A crime story about coffee, about eternal love for coffee, or about life in general? About a decent cup of coffee?

    Sorry to disappoint you. I have nothing like that for you. Not a single word of that sort of stuff.

    I have a question for you. Do you drink take-out coffee? Do you drink while walking? Shame on you.

    Fine. I have to except that you stop reading this text now. Yeah, dump it. Dump it with your recyclable coffee cup. With the rest of your going cold sip of coffee. Happy now? Some relief, wonderful. The world is good with a cup of coffee in your hand while walking.

    Why do you do this? Walking and drinking, probably walking and drinking and talking and checking your mobile phone. Are you late, time ticking away? To prove multitasking? Is eating and drinking just an act of fuelling your body? Like planes get fuelled up in air while flying?

    In my little world a take-out is a disgrace. An act of disrespect. To eat and drink is an important and mindful action for your body and for your soul. They say „you are what you eat“ and my addition to it says „the way you do this is a glance into your life“.

    Yes, you can add fast food to my list of disrespect too. Disrespect to yourself.

    Is this fast-stuff-action a sign of modern life? Is there no time left for a quiet meal or even a decent cup of coffee in a china cup?

    Why is being fast the ultimate answer?

    On ebay you should buy, pay, send, receive and confirm in the time span of 48 hours. Because of the slow working post system. Why does it take that long to transport a parcel. That whole ebay process could be faster.

    On What’s App the sender gets the information that you have read the message in a few seconds. A reply is expected in the following minute. Can’t go faster. That’s the time limit, set by technology that we’ve achieved.

    Everything has to go faster. At the supermarket’s cashpoint, getting served in a restaurant, that expected reply from the tax office, can’t stop for a few seconds to let this grandmother to cross the street.

    I’ll tell you something, the worst thing is to eat and drink in a hurry and what is even worse is to drink while walking. Have you ever observed such people? Holding their cup in an upright position, trying hard not to spill, making faces because the coffee is too hot or going cold? Stopping for a second at an inappropriate spot, leaning forward, slurping, lifting the unnecessary lid, more or less successful. Throwing the empty cup into a waste bin, successful only sometimes. All this waste is a another story, all on it’s own.

    By the way, that cup is a great display for advertisement. Companies don’t like your neutral reusable cup.

    In Ireland we say “when God made time he made plenty of it”. Giving time to yourself and to friends is one of the most grateful gifts nowadays and always was and always will be.

    Please, join. Have your coffee in a decent china cup, breath, reflect life, enjoy life. Be nice to yourself.

    Respect yourself.

    Thank you for reading and not dumping my few lines.

  • Welcome to this website

    We are Anne-Marie & Proinsias Donlon.

    Anne-Marie is enjoying painting, creating and poetry writing
    while continuing to work as a freelance English teacher part-time.

    Proinsias is a novice in writing, travel journalist and worried earthling, as he calls himself.

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